It was a cold December day in 2013 when I first took a pregnancy test. My period was just a few days late but something just felt different. I really didn't think I was pregnant and was really just taking the test to reassure myself. I peed, and immediately the "+" symbol came up. My heart sank and a whirlwind of emotions took over me. I quietly walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed and slowly rocked myself back and forth. I wasn't sad...nor completely thrilled. I was just stunned. I had only been off the pill for a month due to insurance issues.
Jeremy came home from work and I told him the news. He was definitely surprised too but he was happy, which made me happy.
A day or two went by and we decided to tell our daughter, who was 3 years old at the time. We sat her down and informed her that she was going to be a big sister. We then asked her what she thought mommy was going to have, a boy or a girl? She looked at us and with absolute certainty said, "You have two babies mommy. Two girls". Jeremy and I laughed it off and shook our heads. We then explained to her that the (one) baby would be growing in mommy's belly and that she would get to feel the baby moving in there soon.
About a week later, I started to get some pretty bad cramping. Having had three miscarriages before, I got nervous and very worried. So, I called my mom and Jeremy, and we went to the hospital to get checked out. I wasn't bleeding but my stomach was in knots. I just knew something wasn't right. They took me back to have an ultrasound done. The tech turned the screen away from me so that we couldn't see it. During the screening he asked me if I had done In vitro fertilization. I said no and then gave my mom an anxious glance. Why would he ask me that? What was wrong? We tried to ask him a few questions but he told us that we would have to talk to the doctor. My heart sank. I thought that for sure meant that something was wrong. If the baby was fine, he would just tell us right? We finished up and went back to my room. A few minutes later the doctor walked in. Without warning, she looked at me and said loudly, "Well Mrs. Mullins, Congratulations, you're having twins! Everything looks great". My mouth fell open and my eyes started to water as I tried to process what she had just told me. Jeremy looked and her and said out loud, "Are you fucking joking!?" and asked her who put her up to this. I was in such shock that I didn't even reprimand him for using that language. I looked over at my mom and she was in tears too. None of us could believe what we had just heard. I was so excited but also so scared. This changed everything. It was one thing to have one more kid but two more!? Could I even handle two more kids? I would soon find out. My sweet little Lily was right. Mommy was having two babies.
My pregnancy was rough. Much harder than my first one. I was extremely sick the first trimester and half of the second. I lost 20lbs during that period because I couldn't hold anything down, even after trying every nausea medication known to man kind. I was exhausted all the time and often in a lot of pain. Especially once the babies got bigger. I was sure they were going to break my ribs. I also had tons of doctor appointments every month. I had my regular OB and then a high risk pregnancy doctor to see.
Since Jeremy and I already had a girl we were really hoping for a boy. I think every man wants to have a son of their own and I dreamed of having one too. The day we found out the genders was a tough one. When the nurse told us that we were having two girls, I tried so hard to look happy but the tears just kept rolling down my face. Jeremy didn't speak for 2 days. I knew he was upset. And even though men are the ones who determine the sex of a child, I still felt like I had failed him by not giving him the boy he has always wanted. Thankfully, this disappointment was short lived. Our babies were healthy and that was most important. We accepted the fact that we were adding two more precious baby girls to our family and grew more excited to meet them everyday.
Picking out their names was quite an ordeal. Jeremy and I couldn't agree on anything. At first I wanted rhyming names or names that started with the same letter but Jeremy talked me out of it. He is a twin himself so he knows what it's like to be one. He wanted them to have completely different names, as they are two completely different people. He said that they would be lumped together enough as it is. He was right. We decided on Emma Lee and Zoey Leigh. Our oldest has my middle name so we decided to give the twins Jeremy's middle name, just spelled differently.
By 30 weeks, I was huge, miserable, and ready to get those babies out! But I had to wait 8 more weeks. At 38 weeks the girls were both breech so I was scheduled for a c-section. I delivered Lily vaginally so this was a whole new experience. I was fearful but I was ready. It was hard to walk, hard to breathe, and sleeping was near impossible at this point. The night before my surgery I packed my bags and stupidly watched a You Tube video of a c-section. I was curious about how they do it. It was a really bad move. If you are getting ready to have a c-section, DO NOT watch any videos of it until after the procedure. Just trust me. Don't do it.
My section was scheduled for 10am. I couldn't wait to meet my little twinkies. I got prepped and walked back to the operating room with a nurse by myself. They wouldn't let Jeremy come in until I was all set up. It wasn't what I had in mind at all. The room was bright white and the glaring lights were intense. It was very cold and there were shiny metal instruments everywhere. I was terrified and felt very alone. The nurses were very nice of course but it was so different than what I had previously experienced. My vaginal delivery had been in a nice cozy room with comforting lighting, and with my family surrounding me.
They sat me on the cold operating table to do my spinal. Because I was so nervous my body was very tense and I couldn't stop shaking. It took them nearly 30 excruciating minutes to finally get it in properly. Every time they tried I cried out in pain. He was hitting a nerve or something and it hurt so badly. I was so relieved when they finally got it in. I could feel the medicine working and a warm feeling spread through my body. They laid me down on the table and put my arms out so that I looked like the letter "T". They put up the blue sheet so that I couldn't see what they were doing to me. I trembled with fear and my throat was tight with anxiety. At that point I saw the most wonderful sight...my husband. He looked down at me and asked if I was ok. I shook my head saying no and hot tears started streaming down my face. He wiped them and held my hand and tried to comfort me. I can't even express how happy I was that he was there. I began to relax a bit but the medicine took it's toll and I began to vomit. My whole body shook back and forth as they worked on me. I couldn't feel anything but the nausea was terrible. I threw up again and again. I had just gotten done puking when I heard the first cry. The feeling you get when you hear your baby for the first time ever is intensely amazing. A doctor brought her over to us. She was magnificent. Emma weighed 5lbs 2oz. I was smiling at Jeremy when I heard them say the second baby was out. I listened hard for her cry but I didn't hear it and became uneasy again. Finally, that breathtaking sound filled the room and I got to see my stunning Zoey. She weighed in at 4lbs 13oz. The doctor told me that both babies were healthy and that I could keep them for now. Meaning they wouldn't have to go to the NICU. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, grinned from ear to ear, and then got sick yet again.
After sowing me up, the babies, Jeremy, and I got moved to a very small recovery room. The nausea had finally started to subside and I got to spend some time with both of my girls. I even tried to breast feed. After about 15 mins I got hooked up to my best friend, the pain medicine machine, and taken to another bigger room, where I would stay for the remainder of my time in the hospital. As the anesthesia wore off, the pain grew more intense. I can't tell you how many times I pushed that damn button for more medicine. It dulled the pain a little bit, but I was still hurting bad. To me though, that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was not being able to feel or move my legs for 3 hours after the surgery. It drove me absolutely insane. All I wanted was to stand up and move around and I couldn't. Even after I could feel my legs again, they wouldn't let me get up until very early the next morning. Once I could get up and move around, I felt much better. Still in a lot of pain and very sleep deprived, but at least I had control of my body again.
Taking care of two newborns is hard. Taking care of two newborns when you are recovering from a cesarean is even harder. Jeremy had to immediately go back to work so we could keep a roof over our heads. Thankfully my mom stayed with me every night that I was in the hospital. I don't know what I would've done without her. I'm also very grateful for my mother in law who kept Lily with her during this time. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days and then got to come home with my little angels.
This past year has gone by so fast. Watching Emma and Zoey grow and learn has been incredible. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would be a mom to twins but I'm so glad I am. Happy first birthday to my darling little babies. Emma Lee & Zoey Leigh. September 3, 2013.
