50's Housewife Bridal Shower!

This past weekend was my best friends bridal shower that I was in charge of, with the help of her mother. Thankfully, it turned out great. I was extremely stressed about it because I am well... super broke but I was able to pull it off with a little help from the other bridesmaids. I totally recommend this theme! I've never seen it done before and it was super cute!! 

We bought some games and a banner from Etsy. You have to print them out and cut them out yourself but it saves you money in the long run. Here is one of the games we played: Pin the tie on the Hubby which was so much fun!

For the rest of the decorations I got a bunch of old looking cleaning and cooking supplies. I put some in a tiny basket as a centerpiece and spread the rest out around the party area. We also used ironing boards as tables and I used an apron that I made for the bride with an old dress stand as a decoration as well. Other than some balloons, that was pretty much all the decorating that we did. 

For party favors we got some wooden spoons and tied ribbons around them. Nothing big or fancy but it went great with the theme and all of the guests went home with a little something. 

I also bought some cooking utensils and made little gift bags for prizes for the game winners as well. 

We had standard party food but the cake, which was brought by the mother of the groom, was perfect! 

The best part of any theme party (to me anyway) is dressing up! We don't get to dress up that often as adults so any chance I get to do it, I'm all in. Have all the guests come dressed up like 50's housewives. There is lots of inspiration and outfit ideas online. Most people have a dress or something that will work in their closets already. Wear that with an apron and some pearls and you're good to go. 

This party was a ton of fun! The bride to be had a blast and was showered with advice, gifts, and most of all love and well wishes from her favorite people. 

Now, I get to work on my maid of honor speech for the wedding...yikes!! 

As always, thanks for reading, and let me know what your favorite party themes are! 

My 2015 Resolution Part 2

I'm As I was saying in my last post, my New Years sucked! I fell asleep before the ball dropped on New Years Eve and on New Years Day I got a ticket! My first one in a very long time. 

Was I speeding? No. Was I driving recklessly? No. Was I texting or driving without my seatbelt on? Nope. 

So what did I do? Well...I flicked a damn cigarette out the window by accident!!

And what's even worse is that I was literally right around the corner from my destination. I was on my way to my parents house and was about to turn into their neighborhood when I saw the flashing blue and red lights. 

I honestly didn't even know that I could get a ticket for that! The kicker? I had an ashtray right beside me in my van that I usually use. My mind was elsewhere (probably thinking about how the hell I'm going to make new friends) and I honestly just wasn't paying attention to my stupid cancer stick. 

Then I got even more bad news. This isn't a ticket that you can just pre-pay a fine and that's that. I actually have to go to court for this. Which means getting babysitters and pretty much making a whole day of it. Ugh!! 

What a lovely way to start off the new year huh? 

So after a few tears (I was already in an emotional state for other reasons and this  was just enough to bring on the water works) followed by anger both at the female officer and then at myself, a light bulb went on in my head. Maybe this was a sign! A sign that my other New Years resolution should be to quit smoking. I've been wanting to for a long time anyway. It's just so hard, especially when I get stressed out so easily. 

But, I know I can do it! I can do it not only for myself but for my girls too. I decided that I would get one of those vapor pens and wean myself off of the nicotine first and then focus on the oral fixation habit. 

I went to one store to buy one of the pens and found out it costs about $75!! I know, I know, that's nothing when you think about the cost of cigarettes but I just didn't have that kind of money right then and there. 

So right now I am saving up for a vapor pen and I have majorly cut back on the number of cigarettes I smoke per day. My goal is to be a non-smoker by the end of the year. I can do it!! If anyone has any tips for me, please let me know. 

 Update: went to court and got a $50 fine but with court costs ended up paying $150. Plus wasted 3 hours of my life.  Totally not worth it!! 

My 2015 Resolution Part 1

This post is a little late considering it's almost February but I still wanted to write about it. 

I hope all of you had a wonderful New Year's Eve and Day. Mine sucked! I am a bit of a party animal and it has been really  hard coming to the realization that when you have 3 young kids you just can't party the way you used to. Not only do we not have the money to spend on lavish events, overpriced cocktails, and ridiculous babysitting rates, but we also just don't have the luxury of nursing a hangover the next day. We have 3 humans that depend on us for everything so even if we go to bed around 2am we will still have to get up around 6am when the kids get up. 

Also, none of my really close friends have children yet so I feel left out when they all go out and have a wonderful crazy night together. Jealousy is not a good look for me. 

So this year, as I struggled to keep my eyes open to watch the ball drop on TV (I didn't make it), I made a promise to myself. I made it a goal to make some new friends. Preferably ones that live close enough to me to be able to see each other more than once a month. Maybe some friends that also have children who fully understand what it's like. I got pretty excited about this new idea of mine until I realized that I don't even know how to make new friends. It's not like I'm in school or involved in any clubs or organizations. I came to the conclusion that I would start a Facebook group and the next day I did just that. I called it "Girlfriends of NOVA", and I advertised it on a local yardsale site, hoping to attract women who live close to me. 

To my surprise, lots of women joined. The group grew from just a few of us to over 150 women in just 24 hours. I couldn't be happier. 

We had a "girls night out" get together and we are having another one this Friday. 

I am really hoping that I make at least a couple new friends out of all of this. I know it won't happen overnight but at least I'm trying. 

 

I hope you all have a wonderful year and may all of your dreams and wishes come true! 

Say Cheese!

I've always loved photography and I have decided to make a business out of it. It's a great way to express my creativity and make some much needed extra money. Problem is, in this area, there are a gazillion other photographers and they all do amazing work. 

I created a Facebook page and did a few free photo shoots for people to get a little experience and start on a portfolio. I've advertised here and there but just haven't been very successful. I'm not going to give up that easily on this though. I got my dream camera for Christmas and am saving my pennies for more equipment and props. I truly love doing it and I hope it will eventually become a full time gig for me. Until then, I'm taking a few online photography classes and practicing on my friends and family.

Do any of you have any tips for me? 

Anyone know of any good photo shoot locations in Northern Virginia? I obviously don't have a studio yet either so any indoor location ideas would be extremely helpful. 

Here is my Facebook photography site:

https://www.facebook.com/charmedchaos3

Like the name of my business? Hehe!! 

And of course if anyone wants some pictures done, please let me know!

Here are a few examples of some photos that I have taken: 

My Secret Struggle

I couldn't decide whether to write this or not. Most people don't know this about me but I feel the need to get it off my chest and maybe it will explain some of my recent actions (or lack thereof). I've been battling severe depression and anxiety for awhile. I tried to ignore it at first but it just got worse. 

What is depression? True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere witheveryday life for weeks or longer.

It began affecting my loved ones. I would do the absolute minimum with the kids because all I wanted to do was lay in bed all day. My friendships suffered because I never wanted to talk or leave my house. It hurt my marriage because I wasn't happy and often lashed out at my husband due to my own frustrations. My house was going to shit because I never had enough motivation or drive to clean it. I would only do things out of complete necessity, and nothing more.  I didn't believe it was depression at first. I thought I was just being weak and lazy. I would tell myself to suck it up and snap out of it...but it was impossible. I tried so very hard to cover it up with smiles and outings, but I was just fooling myself. The more I tried to be my old self, the more frustrated and depressed I got. I told myself it was normal to be this exhausted because I'm taking care of 3 young children all day. That it was normal to be this depressed when we are struggling so hard financially. It wasn't until thoughts of suicide entered my head that I even considered seeking help. 

I would obsess over death and it scared me. I reached out to a few people here and there but I would minimize my symptoms and brush it off. I felt ashamed and alone. I felt like a failure.

Thankfully, I recently had a doctors appointment for something completely unrelated. While talking with my doctor he noticed how anxious I was and began to ask me questions. I am so grateful that he took the time out of his busy schedule to do this. He concluded that I was indeed severely depressed and prescribed me some medication. 

Still, I didn't believe it and I didn't get the prescription filled. I thought maybe he was mistaken. This was just a phase. I'm just going through a rough patch. I thought that everything would start to improve. 

I was wrong. 

Two weeks later I had a complete meltdown and a terrible panic attack. I stayed in bed nearly all day and sobbed. I felt absolutely hopeless. I felt like I had nothing left in me. I had a lump in my throat that refused to go away and I desperately wanted to crawl out of my skin. That night I woke up around 3 am. I couldn't breathe and felt like I was having a heart attack. My stomach was in knots and I started vomiting. This lasted about 20 minutes but it felt like hours. I actually thought this was it, I'm going to die right now. I was just about to call 911 when I started to feel a little bit better. I got back into bed and put my head on my husband's chest. I listened to his heart beat and breaths and tried to slow and steady mine. I finally drifted back to sleep. 

The next day, with Jeremy's encouragement I got my prescription filled. I felt so hopeless, unable to function properly, and I prayed that this medicine would help, even if just a little. I craved relief. A break to come up for air and escape my sorrows that seemed to be swallowing me whole. 

The antidepressant that I am taking takes a little while to build up in your system to be fully effective but I am already feeling better. It's been a week and my energy is slowly coming back and I feel like I can breathe again. I still have ups and downs, as we all do, but I'm on the right path. Now that I am feeling somewhat normal again I can see how bad off I truly was. I am so glad that I got help and I am looking forward to actually meaning it when I say, "I'm fine".

Severe depression and anxiety are serious conditions that should not be taken lightly. 

My advice is this:

You're often the best and most reliable judge of whether you're okay or not. If you think something's wrong, it probably is. Don't let guidelines set up by others, expectations placed on you by your family or yourself, or misguided advice discourage you from getting the help that you need.

Here are some good websites if you think you have depression or would like to learn more about it: 

http://www.adaa.org/

http://www.depressionconnection.org/

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

Facebook Yardsale!? I'm in!

I've always been a fan of yardsales. I like to think that I can see the beauty in things that other people think are ugly or worthless, but I also just love a good deal. There's just something about it that I've always loved. So naturally, when I heard about these virtual yardsales on Facebook I had to check it out. I'm now a member of so many I can't keep track of them all. But, are they a good thing? In moderation, I think yes, but I have become a full fledged virtual yardsale addict. 

The first step is admitting that I have a problem, right? Well I do. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have an extremely addictive personality. Anything that makes me feel happy I tend to over do which always leads to problems. Once I discovered that I could get good deals on like new items and also make money on these sites by selling my old stuff (much easier and faster than Craigslist I might add) I was hooked. Suddenly, whenever anyone saw me, my nose was in my phone...on a yardsale site. I began going through all my stuff, my kid's stuff, and even my husband's stuff. We definitely had way too many things and I was glad to get rid of it. Once I realized how much we had lying around just taking up space, I became totally consumed with getting rid of it. All of it. I actually made a decent amount of money at first, and it felt great to purge, but all good things must come to an end and I didn't want it to. I had come to rely on that income. 

The worst part of my virtual sale addiction is that I also developed another obsession in the process. Coach bags. I've never been into purses nor name brands but all of a sudden I wanted every Coach purse that I could get my hands on. Luckily, this was short lived. I ran out of money and came back to reality and realized that spending so much money on a purse that I would hardly use is just insane. I still love them and adore the ones I have but I don't need every style and color like I wanted before. 

I have started to limit my time on Facebook, including the yard sale sites. It was taking over my days (and nights) and I have 3 little girls to raise. They are way more important than any bargain. 

However, if you haven't discovered the world of virtual yardsaling, I highly recommend it. It's a good way to get rid of stuff that you no longer want or need while making a few extra bucks. It's also a great resource for saving a few dollars when looking for a particular item. It's especially wonderful for buying kid's clothes, shoes, and toys. 

Just beware...for some of us it can be very addicting. 

A Birth Story: Em & Zoe

In honor of my twins turning a year old this past week, I wanted to share their birth story. So here it is...

It was a cold December day in 2013 when I first took a pregnancy test. My period was just a few days late but something just felt different. I really didn't think I was pregnant and was really just taking the test to reassure myself. I peed, and immediately the "+" symbol came up. My heart sank and a whirlwind of emotions took over me. I quietly walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed and slowly rocked myself back and forth. I wasn't sad...nor completely thrilled. I was just stunned. I had only been off the pill for a month due to insurance issues.

Jeremy came home from work and I told him the news. He was definitely surprised too but he was happy, which made me happy.

A day or two went by and we decided to tell our daughter, who was 3 years old at the time. We sat her down and informed her that she was going to be a big sister. We then asked her what she thought mommy was going to have, a boy or a girl? She looked at us and with absolute certainty said, "You have two babies mommy. Two girls". Jeremy and I laughed it off and shook our heads. We then explained to her that the (one) baby would be growing in mommy's belly and that she would get to feel the baby moving in there soon. 

About a week later, I started to get some pretty bad cramping. Having had three miscarriages before, I got nervous and very worried. So, I called my mom and Jeremy, and we went to the hospital to get checked out. I wasn't bleeding but my stomach was in knots. I just knew something wasn't right. They took me back to have an ultrasound done. The tech turned the screen away from me so that we couldn't see it. During the screening he asked me if I had done In vitro fertilization. I said no and then gave my mom an anxious glance. Why would he ask me that? What was wrong? We tried to ask him a few questions but he told us that we would have to talk to the doctor. My heart sank. I thought that for sure meant that something was wrong. If the baby was fine, he would just tell us right? We finished up and went back to my room. A few minutes later the doctor walked in. Without warning, she looked at me and said loudly, "Well Mrs. Mullins, Congratulations, you're having twins! Everything looks great". My mouth fell open and my eyes started to water as I tried to process what she had just told me. Jeremy looked and her and said out loud, "Are you fucking joking!?" and asked her who put her up to this. I was in such shock that I didn't even reprimand him for using that language. I looked over at my mom and she was in tears too. None of us could believe what we had just heard. I was so excited but also so scared. This changed everything. It was one thing to have one more kid but two more!? Could I even handle two more kids? I would soon find out. My sweet little Lily was right. Mommy was having two babies. 

My pregnancy was rough. Much harder than my first one.  I was extremely sick the first trimester and half of the second. I lost 20lbs during that period because I couldn't hold anything down, even after trying every nausea medication known to man kind. I was exhausted all the time and often in a lot of pain. Especially once the babies got bigger. I was sure they were going to break my ribs. I also had tons of doctor appointments every month. I had my regular OB and then a high risk pregnancy doctor to see. 

Since Jeremy and I already had a girl we were really hoping for a boy. I think every man wants to have a son of their own and I dreamed of having one too. The day we found out the genders was a tough one. When the nurse told us that we were having two girls, I tried so hard to look happy but the tears just kept rolling down my face. Jeremy didn't speak for 2 days. I knew he was upset. And even though men are the ones who determine the sex of a child, I still felt like I had failed him by not giving him the boy he has always wanted. Thankfully, this disappointment was short lived. Our babies were healthy and that was most important. We accepted the fact that we were adding two more precious baby girls to our family and grew more excited to meet them everyday.  

Picking out their names was quite an ordeal. Jeremy and I couldn't agree on anything. At first I wanted rhyming names or names that started with the same letter but Jeremy talked me out of it. He is a twin himself so he knows what it's like to be one. He wanted them to have completely different names, as they are two completely different people. He said that they would be lumped together enough as it is. He was right. We decided on Emma Lee and Zoey Leigh. Our oldest has my middle name so we decided to give the twins Jeremy's middle name, just spelled differently. 

By 30 weeks, I was huge, miserable, and ready to get those babies out! But I had to wait 8 more weeks. At 38 weeks the girls were both breech so I was scheduled for a c-section. I delivered Lily vaginally so this was a whole new experience. I was fearful but I was ready. It was hard to walk, hard to breathe, and sleeping was near impossible at this point. The night before my surgery I packed my bags and stupidly watched a You Tube video of a c-section. I was curious about how they do it. It was a really bad move. If you are getting ready to have a c-section, DO NOT watch any videos of it until after the procedure. Just trust me. Don't do it. 

My section was scheduled for 10am. I couldn't wait to meet my little twinkies. I got prepped and walked back to the operating room with a nurse by myself. They wouldn't let Jeremy come in until I was all set up. It wasn't what I had in mind at all. The room was bright white and the glaring lights were intense. It was very cold and there were shiny metal instruments everywhere. I was terrified and felt very alone. The nurses were very nice of course but it was so different than what I had previously experienced. My vaginal delivery had been in a nice cozy room with comforting lighting, and with my family surrounding me. 

They sat me on the cold operating table to do my spinal. Because I was so nervous my body was very tense and I couldn't stop shaking. It took them nearly 30 excruciating minutes to finally get it in properly. Every time they tried I cried out in pain. He was hitting a nerve or something and it hurt so badly. I was so relieved when they finally got it in. I could feel the medicine working and a warm feeling spread through my body. They laid me down on the table and put my arms out so that I looked like the letter "T". They put up the blue sheet so that I couldn't see what they were doing to me. I trembled with fear and my throat was tight with anxiety. At that point I saw the most wonderful sight...my husband. He looked down at me and asked if I was ok. I shook my head saying no and hot tears started streaming down my face. He wiped them and held my hand and tried to comfort me. I can't even express how happy I was that he was there. I began to relax a bit but the medicine took it's toll and I began to vomit. My whole body shook back and forth as they worked on me. I couldn't feel anything but the nausea was terrible. I threw up again and again. I had just gotten done puking when I heard the first cry. The feeling you get when you hear your baby for the first time ever is intensely amazing. A doctor brought her over to us. She was magnificent. Emma weighed 5lbs 2oz. I was smiling at Jeremy when I heard them say the second baby was out. I listened hard for her cry but I didn't hear it and became uneasy again. Finally, that breathtaking sound filled the room and I got to see my stunning Zoey. She weighed in at 4lbs 13oz. The doctor told me that both babies were healthy and that I could keep them for now. Meaning they wouldn't have to go to the NICU. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, grinned from ear to ear, and then got sick yet again. 

After sowing me up, the babies, Jeremy, and I got moved to a very small recovery room. The nausea had finally started to subside and I got to spend some time with both of my girls. I even tried to breast feed. After about 15 mins I got hooked up to my best friend, the pain medicine machine, and taken to another bigger room, where I would stay for the remainder of my time in the hospital. As the anesthesia wore off, the pain grew more intense. I can't tell you how many times I pushed that damn button for more medicine. It dulled the pain a little bit, but I was still hurting bad. To me though, that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was not being able to feel or move my legs for 3 hours after the surgery. It drove me absolutely insane. All I wanted was to stand up and move around and I couldn't. Even after I could feel my legs again, they wouldn't let me get up until very early the next morning. Once I could get up and move around, I felt much better. Still in a lot of pain and very sleep deprived, but at least I had control of my body again. 

Taking care of two newborns is hard. Taking care of two newborns when you are recovering from a cesarean is even harder. Jeremy had to immediately go back to work so we could keep a roof over our heads. Thankfully my mom stayed with me every night that I was in the hospital. I don't know what I would've done without her. I'm also very grateful for my mother in law who kept Lily with her during this time. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days and then got to come home with my little angels. 

This past year has gone by so fast. Watching Emma and Zoey grow and learn has been incredible. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would be a mom to twins but I'm so glad I am. Happy first birthday to my darling little babies. Emma Lee & Zoey Leigh. September 3, 2013.