Say Cheese!

I've always loved photography and I have decided to make a business out of it. It's a great way to express my creativity and make some much needed extra money. Problem is, in this area, there are a gazillion other photographers and they all do amazing work. 

I created a Facebook page and did a few free photo shoots for people to get a little experience and start on a portfolio. I've advertised here and there but just haven't been very successful. I'm not going to give up that easily on this though. I got my dream camera for Christmas and am saving my pennies for more equipment and props. I truly love doing it and I hope it will eventually become a full time gig for me. Until then, I'm taking a few online photography classes and practicing on my friends and family.

Do any of you have any tips for me? 

Anyone know of any good photo shoot locations in Northern Virginia? I obviously don't have a studio yet either so any indoor location ideas would be extremely helpful. 

Here is my Facebook photography site:

https://www.facebook.com/charmedchaos3

Like the name of my business? Hehe!! 

And of course if anyone wants some pictures done, please let me know!

Here are a few examples of some photos that I have taken: 

My Secret Struggle

I couldn't decide whether to write this or not. Most people don't know this about me but I feel the need to get it off my chest and maybe it will explain some of my recent actions (or lack thereof). I've been battling severe depression and anxiety for awhile. I tried to ignore it at first but it just got worse. 

What is depression? True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere witheveryday life for weeks or longer.

It began affecting my loved ones. I would do the absolute minimum with the kids because all I wanted to do was lay in bed all day. My friendships suffered because I never wanted to talk or leave my house. It hurt my marriage because I wasn't happy and often lashed out at my husband due to my own frustrations. My house was going to shit because I never had enough motivation or drive to clean it. I would only do things out of complete necessity, and nothing more.  I didn't believe it was depression at first. I thought I was just being weak and lazy. I would tell myself to suck it up and snap out of it...but it was impossible. I tried so very hard to cover it up with smiles and outings, but I was just fooling myself. The more I tried to be my old self, the more frustrated and depressed I got. I told myself it was normal to be this exhausted because I'm taking care of 3 young children all day. That it was normal to be this depressed when we are struggling so hard financially. It wasn't until thoughts of suicide entered my head that I even considered seeking help. 

I would obsess over death and it scared me. I reached out to a few people here and there but I would minimize my symptoms and brush it off. I felt ashamed and alone. I felt like a failure.

Thankfully, I recently had a doctors appointment for something completely unrelated. While talking with my doctor he noticed how anxious I was and began to ask me questions. I am so grateful that he took the time out of his busy schedule to do this. He concluded that I was indeed severely depressed and prescribed me some medication. 

Still, I didn't believe it and I didn't get the prescription filled. I thought maybe he was mistaken. This was just a phase. I'm just going through a rough patch. I thought that everything would start to improve. 

I was wrong. 

Two weeks later I had a complete meltdown and a terrible panic attack. I stayed in bed nearly all day and sobbed. I felt absolutely hopeless. I felt like I had nothing left in me. I had a lump in my throat that refused to go away and I desperately wanted to crawl out of my skin. That night I woke up around 3 am. I couldn't breathe and felt like I was having a heart attack. My stomach was in knots and I started vomiting. This lasted about 20 minutes but it felt like hours. I actually thought this was it, I'm going to die right now. I was just about to call 911 when I started to feel a little bit better. I got back into bed and put my head on my husband's chest. I listened to his heart beat and breaths and tried to slow and steady mine. I finally drifted back to sleep. 

The next day, with Jeremy's encouragement I got my prescription filled. I felt so hopeless, unable to function properly, and I prayed that this medicine would help, even if just a little. I craved relief. A break to come up for air and escape my sorrows that seemed to be swallowing me whole. 

The antidepressant that I am taking takes a little while to build up in your system to be fully effective but I am already feeling better. It's been a week and my energy is slowly coming back and I feel like I can breathe again. I still have ups and downs, as we all do, but I'm on the right path. Now that I am feeling somewhat normal again I can see how bad off I truly was. I am so glad that I got help and I am looking forward to actually meaning it when I say, "I'm fine".

Severe depression and anxiety are serious conditions that should not be taken lightly. 

My advice is this:

You're often the best and most reliable judge of whether you're okay or not. If you think something's wrong, it probably is. Don't let guidelines set up by others, expectations placed on you by your family or yourself, or misguided advice discourage you from getting the help that you need.

Here are some good websites if you think you have depression or would like to learn more about it: 

http://www.adaa.org/

http://www.depressionconnection.org/

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml